Welp, I haven't made a post here in a while... In fact I've barely been on dA. But stuff is going on right now so I figure I'll say stuff.
I spent a good amount of last night talking to Neko, and basically we both let loose a lot of heavy subjects on each other. But I don't think either of us were very tripped up by it all, and it ended with us both exchanging very powerful complements. Honestly I'm really proud of myself for still being so fond of her even though we're not all uber-affectionate anymore. I was so afraid I'd grow to resent her and hate all the cute art she's drawn of me and the collar she gave me. Granted, a lot of it still displeases me and there were some things that still really stung but all and all I blew my load of resentments and she was able to take it all and come back at me with the same compassion and general likeability that ensnared me in the first place.
Its odd to not have someone I'm obsessed with, it used to be Neko, Candace, Sara, Krystal, even Kitsune. I mean DeiDei is still smoochy with me but its not the same sort of Pet/Owner feeling I had with Neko. With Kitsune its more that we're really good friends and she will mark me from time to time, its sort of like F-Buddies but more lipstick-based. I realized that a while back, that this was all your typical "Friends with Benefits" situation except I wanted kisses instead of humpings. As innocent as it might be comparatively it was a situation of pushing the boundaries of friendship, which of course creates all sorts of complications that eventually sunk that boat. I won't lie and say I don't miss being shipped by people or having to explain we're just friends, but its unfair to Neko to make her go through that when she has a lover.
Its funny, I'm such a good person around her that afterwords I feel like that version of me is a goody two shoes. In almost every situation I just accepted her feelings and decided to deal with her as she is. But there's a part of me that sees it all as a competition to be one. "You gave up too much ground! Throw your weight around! Make her want to kiss you by pointing out all you've done for her! And she promised! Just make her keep her word!" But that's dehumanizing beyond belief, treating her like a resource to be optimized and her affection as an output I can regain by turning the right knobs. So basically without thinking I act like a better person around her, and I think that's a good reason to love someone and consider them your best friend.
But as I head to Colossal-Con this weekend I will have no friend I've imprinted on with me to chase around, and I'm kinda excited about that. I'll have friends with me but I'll basically have nothing stopping me from going to any and every Panel I want or even to cosplay if I don't feel like cosplaying.
As much as I liked having some attractive, affectionate girl to chase like a puppy... Well even the most kept dog wants to run free sometimes ;3
Listening to: Desperate Struggle
Playing: Borderlands 2
Eating: Onion Rings
Drinking: Green Tea!